Why is Saif Ali Khan's stabbing case as uncertain as cricket?

By K.R. Nayar  

Saif Ali Khan is the son of one of India’s finest cricket captains, Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi. When he was allegedly stabbed inside his high-security apartment, no one expected it to be debated as intensely as a cricket match. In fact, discussions on India’s chances in the ongoing England series and upcoming Champions Trophy in the UAE seem to have even been overshadowed by this incident. However, what happened to Saif remains as uncertain as a cricket match itself.

While many questions are being raised about the incident, what the nation really wants to know is whether he was actually stabbed or merely scratched with a blade. The manner in which the alleged Bangladeshi criminal entered the apartment is as surprising as a sharply turning delivery sneaking through the bat-pad gap to hit the stumps. How this intruder outfoxed the security must have even made the wily Bangladeshi left-arm spinner, Shakib Al Hasan, jealous. 

Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi 

According to reports, the one fact established is that Saif was stabbed at 2:30am. This timing is said to be as precise as a Pataudi cover drive. However, while doctors initially stated on television that Saif had reached the hospital within half an hour of the stabbing, the medical report to the police now claims he arrived only at 4:15am. Much like cricket, someone’s timing must be correct—while another’s is clearly off.

Doctors have also stated that Saif arrived at the hospital holding the hand of his eight-year-old son. Yet, the official police report claims he was accompanied by a friend. Television channels are now debating this contradiction. Soon, they might even borrow the famous Gabbar Singh dialogue from Sholay—"Kitne Aadmi The?" (How many people were there?).

Doctors further revealed that the intruder’s knife broke while stabbing Saif. This revelation is bound to boost Saif’s advertisement revenue, with companies likely to feature him as a model for spine-related products. The fact that he literally walked out smartly after a six-hour spinal surgery proves that his spine is truly remarkable.

Saif understands that, in cricket, slow turners can be effective. Perhaps that’s why he chose a slow, ordinary three-wheeler (autorickshaw) to reach the hospital instead of one of his luxurious cars. The debate now on is - why didn’t he use his own vehicles? Surprisingly, no one has suggested the most logical reason: he simply didn’t want to stain his car seats!

Many are also questioning on the whereabouts of all his drivers. Maybe they were all away or asleep when he needed to be rushed to the hospital. Could it be that his cars are so smooth that they lull the drivers into a deep sleep at night after a full day of driving?

Television channels debate over who stabbed Saif Ali Khan 

Numerous versions are now emerging on the way Saif walked out from his car after being discharged from the hospital. Television channels that captured him waving to his fans were seemingly unimpressed with his footwork. However, the way he walked could put even Sachin Tendulkar’s footwork to shame. His side glance to the fans was more elegant than one of Ravi Shastri’s signature leg-side glances.

The police-released photos of the intruder are puzzling. The image captured by CCTV and the one officially released as the real culprit appear to be different. Only Saif can now determine whether this was a wrong’un like the one bowled by Ravichandran Ashwin delivery or a Doosra from Muttiah Muralitharan. Aldo, now that the police say that the finger prints inside the flat does not match with the Bangladeshi they’ve caught, it now seems like a teesra that Saqlain Mushtaq used to bowl!

There’s even a chance that the entire stabbing incident could be called off —just like some cricket matches. After all, it happened at 2:30 AM, and Saif might just appeal for bad light!