Press conferences with pocket full of excuses and clichés

By K.R. Nayar
From M. A. Chidambaram Stadium

Chennai. When a team official or a player meets journalists after a huge loss, he is bound to be grilled. Before the India-Zimbabwe match, there was an interesting situation because both team representatives were facing the media after defeats to South Africa and West Indies respectively.

India's batting coach Sitanshu Kotak at the pre-match press conference. Photo: ICC

India’s batting coach Sitanshu Kotak had to face a barrage of questions on the team’s batting, such as Indian batters having scored 11 ducks and a batting average of only 20 in this World Cup. Zimbabwe vice-captain Ryan Burl, when asked about West Indies, candidly admitted that the Windies have the firepower to attack from ball one. Kotak regretted the defeat to South Africa and mentioned it was the worst game they had played in two years. So often, it is better to admit that the team and the players played badly and appreciate the opponent rather than try to defend with a lame excuse.

Stock excuses

Having attended many post-match press conferences over the years, I find most of them to be entertaining. Even in this tournament, to a great extent it is easy to guess what the captain or coach would say even before they sit down to face the media. Very often, they come with a pocket full of clichés. Some say “all credit to the opposition” instead of admitting that their team produced a pathetic performance. The other common phrase used is ‘we were 15 to 20 runs short’, leaving it to the media to wonder who should have scored them.

Zimbabwe vice captain Ryan Burl speaks at the pre-match press conference. Photo: ICC

Burl used a famous cliché, “we took a lot of positives from the defeat,” even though West Indies smashed out any positivity in them. Then there is that famous line, “it’s just one of those days,” as Kotak remarked. Now there is a new addition to all these… ‘the wicket was tricky’. Aren’t, batters supposed to negotiate any type of wicket and not bat well only on surfaces that shine enough to comb one’s hair? Unfortunately, the poor wicket, which cannot speak, turns into the villain!

When a maths teacher is needed in the eleven

The funniest remark comes after a defeat in the crucial stages of a tournament when one starts to assess the chances of reaching the knock out stage. Some say their calculations went wrong, as if they should have included a maths teacher in the team. Then, before the next match, calculators come out to determine the required Net Run Rate. When all teams eye for a semifinal spot, the tournament somehow becomes less about cricket and more about advanced mathematics. Another remark that I heard twice in this World Cup was: “We just need to control what we can control.” This is nothing but admitting that they were not able to control what they could have. Now, what they want is for other teams to go out of control and collapse!

Learning experience, dew, and bounce back

 Another joke after a defeat is stating that it was a learning experience. It almost sounded like a student who ignored some topics before an examination and most questions in the exam were from that topic! Another villain is the dew. The question that arises then is whether the rest of the match should have been played the next day after the sun came out. 

One funny question journalists often ask a captain or coach is about their team’s chances of making it to the next stage. The stock response would be that ‘they take one game at a time’. And if the chances look bleak, then the captain is likely to say that the tournament is still wide open. The fact is that the door is wide open for an exit. 

After a shattering defeat, captains often promise that their team will bounce back. However, in reality, other than exceptions, the team normally gets bounced out. In short, the number of excuses is more than the runs scored.

When captains don’t think of semifinals

The ultimate punchline from captains is when they claim ‘they are not thinking about the next stage.” If the captain isn’t thinking about it, one is tempted to ask—who exactly should? Over the years, one pattern remains beautifully consistent: the team facing a knock out becomes mathematicians, the captain of a losing team turns into a philosopher, and fans turn into astrologers.