Howzaat to Goooal: When World Cup Soccer fever replaces Cricket fever

 By K.R. Nayar

The World Cup soccer has commenced, and cricket fever will now be replaced by soccer fever. The big difference will be that while the shiver caused by soccer fever lasts 105 to 110 minutes since the match is split into two 45-minute halves, the T20 World Cup and franchise leagues last a little more than 180 minutes, with a duration of one hour and thirty minutes per innings.

Screams of “Howzaat” and “Out” will be replaced by “Goal.” Unlike “Howzaat” and “Out,” which have an abrupt end, the scream expressing the joy of a goal lasts long – “goooal” till all the air in the lungs has been released. The applause for a cover drive will be replaced by long cheering for a diving save by the goalkeeper.

Those who were not clear about the Duckworth-Lewis (DL) calculation for a rain-affected match or how to calculate the run rate in cricket will now try to learn the offside rules. Soon it will dawn on them that the offside rule is easier to understand than the DL method.

The referee, who pulls out his red card like a magician, will prove that he is more powerful than an umpire. If a player argues with an umpire, he could get a fine before he goes to bed, but whoever argues with a referee gets a red card or a yellow card right there, thus putting an abrupt end to his argument. Debate on whether a soccer player was deliberately pushed or whether he was faking his pain will continue. There are occasions when one gets the feeling that those who fake pain perfectly should be picked immediately for Bollywood or Hollywood movies. They are performances that deserve awards, not free kicks.

Do soccer coaches give a special class on faking injury and the act of rolling in pain? The speed at which such an “injured” player races towards the ball right after getting up makes one wonder whether the injury was a kick to perform better.

A soccer commentator’s “goooooooaaaal” is much longer than a cricket commentator’s description of “out” or “caught behind.” In fact, by the time he screams “goooal,” a cricket commentator could go make tea and return to his seat. Discussion on batting stance will now be replaced by penalty posture. Also, discussion over rotating the strike in cricket will be replaced by complaints about the delay in passing the ball.

The selection of a favourite soccer team could be debated hard, but there will be no discussions on pitch conditions like cracks, less grass, or whether it is a turning track.  Mannerisms and facial expressions of soccer coaches could well be used as advertisements for pain relief products – maybe for a toothache or headache. Bowlers will realise that the stumps they aim for are too small and not as majestic as the goalpost.

The final whistle can even wake up a disappointed fan who refused to watch the match — football rarely ends quietly, it announces its exit. An umpire walking off at the end of a match is so silent that one has to look at the giant scoreboard for the result.  The focus now shifts from cricket bats to football boots.